


Rising sea levels

by FluffyBallOfPureAnger



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Anxiety, Depression, Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 19:36:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18430685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyBallOfPureAnger/pseuds/FluffyBallOfPureAnger
Summary: Avery Bolton is new at her High-School and is paired up with Connor for a school project. Will they end up friends or just acquaintances? Do they have more in common than they think? And how do you face your shadows and the ones of someone else ?Takes place in Connors junior year. It is supposed to give Connor a bit more of a backstory and be a little trip into his mind, family life and what lead to his decision at the beginning of senior year.I haven´t read the book yet, since it isn´t available in my country yet, but bare with me.Trigger Warnings: Mental health issues (Anxiety, Depression...), Panic attacks, mental breakdowns, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts, violence, verbal abuse, toxic relationships. (Will be listed specifically at the beginning of every chapter)





	Rising sea levels

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings:  
> • Violence (mild)  
> • anxiety, panic attacks
> 
> Hey thank you for reading, I hope you like it. If you ever feel like a certain part represents a mental health issue badly or romaticises it, feel free to tell me and I´ll try my best to change it. Most of the descriptions are based on my own experience, still I don´t have experience with every mentall illness and I know that. I appreciate every form of constructive critisism. Grammar mistakes are also allowed to be pointed out, since English isn´t my mother tongue, so I would actually realy appreciate it :)  
> Enough talking, I hope you like what you read!

**Chapter 1: Drowning**

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I hurried down the crowded halls of my new high school, trying to catch up with the long haired guy in a black hoodie and combat boots. My new geography teacher paired us up for a project on climate change or something. Being the new kid was hard, talking to people was hard and both at the same time is living hell, especially when you have to chase the person you need to talk to because they clearly don´t want to interact.

Having a project assigned on your first day of school is kind of shitty. You just want to find your place and not draw to much attention. And still here I am, chasing my classmate, causing several confused looks.

“Connor wait!”, I yelled, earning stares from left and right. Good job Avery, attention is just what you love most. Connor however didn´t even twitch slightly at me calling his name and kept walking at the same speed. His long legs definitely were an advantage over me, he didn´t even have to make an effort to outrun me. Awesome.

Another girl in my class had wished me luck after the teacher had announced the pairings, claimed that he was a psychopath. I however didn´t really care about such accusations. People have always been quick to judge and I tried my best not to join in.

The boy turned into a less crowded hallway. “Connor!”, I exclaimed again. Suddenly he turned around: “What the fuck do you want huh?!” I was baffled for a second and stuttered:”T-the g-geography project?” He stepped forward and bend down a bit, he was way taller than me. “T-the w-what to the what now?,” he mocked my stuttering with probably the most annoyed expression I have ever seen on someones face. “We were paired up for a project about climate change, didn´t you pay attention or what?,” I shot back. “Ding, ding, ding we have a winner!”, he said sarcastically, then turned on the heel and started walking again. “Well I´m not going to do it alone!,” I yelled , trying to catch up once more. “Well I don´t fucking care,” he growled. I sprinted forward and grabbed his arm:” Connor fucking Murphy! We were assigned this project and you will help me god damn it!”

I stared at him, trying hard to keep eye contact and not look intimidated by his grim appearance. But actually I felt like my legs would collapse any second and my heart pounded inexorably. Confrontation? Yeah absolutely my thing. He abruptly freed his arm and growled: “Geez you are fucking annoying, do you know that?!”

Suddenly all my fake confidence faded and I felt really small. His facial expression was filled with so much anger and I felt like he was towering over me. I had gone to far, I shouldn´t have bothered him like this, he clearly isn´t interested in doing this assignment so I should have just accepted it and done it alone, like a normal person! Why couldn´t I be a normal and decent person and not such a social disaster!

“I-Im sorry...I am ,you are r...” “Then why do you fucking act like this when you know huh?!,” he pushed me against the locker, furious. I slid down the metal door and gasped for air. Shit, shit, shit. My head started spinning, my vision got blurry and I felt like I would suffocate just from the pressure of the air surrounding me.

“Fuck are you alright?” I believed that I could make out Connor squatting in front of me. Was that worry in his voice? I shook my head and pulled my legs to my chest, still trying to control my breathing but since that didn´t work out I just settled on not breathing at all. “Hey are you still breathing? Hey!” I flinched when he raised his voice and started to hyperventilate again.I felt like drowning. Couldn´t this just stop??

“Okay, okay….Ehm...ok try breathing with me ok? Shit…,” he cursed and placed my right hand on his chest, “In and out? Ok? In and out...” I tried my best but it didn´t really work out, since he wasn´t calm at all. But he was persistent in trying to calm me down. After a few more minutes however, which felt like hours, he gave up on the breathing. “Ok shit ehm… do you have any meds or some shit?” I nodded. “Front pocket,” I squealed. He started fumbling at my backpack, still cursing, which wasn´t really helping my situation. “Here,” he gave me my little medicine box and I quickly dry-swallowed a Xanax.

After a few moments my breathing slowed down, I stopped trembling and sweating. I wiped my sweaty forehead with my sleeve and was relieved to see that no one expect me and Connor were here. They probably were all having lunch in the cafeteria. “Better?,” Connor asked, still squatting in front of me. I nodded, refusing to look at him. God this was so embarrassing, he probably thought I was a total train wreck, which was true but that's not the point! “I´m sorry….this is my fault,” he said then, obviously trying to sound as calm as possible. I put him off with the wave off my hand: “No it´s fine….it´s fine...I was intrusive” I stood up slowly:” I shouldn´t have bothered you, you´re right that´s so annoying when people do that so…..I´ll just do this alone, don´t worry.”

I hurried outside for some fresh air, ignoring him calling “Wait!” from a distance. I needed to get away, outside into a space were no walls could collapse on me, or at least feel like they did. The fresh spring air felt refreshing and slowly life returned into my body, making it ache a little less. This definitely was one of my strangest encounters ever.


End file.
